A Squirrelly Affair
by Selene Illusinia
Summary: Clint, Darcy, and a squirrel. Need I say more? Rated for language.


**So, this can be blamed on the story "hollow in the middle" from meinterrupted over at archiveofourown. The link to the particular chapter is listed below. Remove the spaces for a functioning link.  
**

** archiveofourown works /535801 /chapters /974455 **

**Anyway, so this happened because when I looked through the chapter list, all I read were the words "Clint" and "squirrels", which made me think of him jumping around in the trees chasing squirrels. Don't ask.  
**

**So, everything else is still going. I have somewhere between 5-10 stories from my various series' and prompts in the works or awaiting editing or completion. Alternatively, I just had a lot of time open up due to breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years. Yeah. So if anything seems either sappier than normal or more depressing than normal, that's why.  
**

**Enjoy the insanity.  
**

**Illusinia  
**

**Disclaimer: So, clearly, given I'm posting this on a fan site, I don't own any of these lovely characters. Otherwise there probably would be something about people chasing squirrels in the movie. Because I can seriously see that happening, for some reason.  
**

* * *

Darcy blinked up the tree and, for a moment, questioned if she actually wanted to know what was going on. However, after a minute of watching, she couldn't help it. Really, she couldn't. It was like a train wreck. "Clint, why are you pretending to be a squirrel? Actually, better question: why are you up a tree _chasing_ two squirrels?"

Clint halted on the branch he had just jumped on, looking down at Darcy with the face of a child caught doing something they weren't supposed to be. He even pouted a little as he pointed at a brown and white squirrel who was staring at them from above. "That squirrel stole something from me."

She couldn't help the eyebrow arch that followed. Really, if this weren't at the BOTTOM of her 'Strangest Thing's I've Seen' list, Darcy might have been worried about her boyfriend. Seriously worried. "Okay, and how did that happen?"

Some muttering came from the man currently jumping around in the tree as he resumed his attempts to catch the fluffy-tailed creatures. The eyebrow rose higher. "I'm sorry, you're going to have to repeat that for those of us with normal hearing. Unless you were squirrel whispering. In that case, you can keep it to yourself and the squirrels and I'll go inside and call Coulson so he can fill out the paperwork to have you institutionalized."

Clint might have growled some as he lunged after the squirrel nearest him and succeeded in catching it. He also succeeded in landing on a weak branch, which gave out and sent him toppling out of the tree. Ungracefully.

If she weren't worried he'd just caused himself more brain damage than he already (clearly) had, Darcy might have laughed. Instead, she allowed it to escape as a series of giggles while she ran to the fallen man and his squirming prize. How he hadn't been bitten yet, she wasn't sure she wanted to know. "Clint, are you alright?"

"I'm good," wheezed Clint as he sat up, keeping a firm grip on the squirrel in his hands. "Alright you little bastard, where is it? I know you have it."

The squirrel actually stopped wiggling at that point to glare at Clint. Then it crossed its little arms and responded, in an annoyed and distinctly British voice: "You know, you could just ask nicely."

Darcy and Clint exchanged somewhat _concerned_ looks. Talking squirrels usually fell into the realm of 'what the fuck' for them. Not as far into that realm as, say, the hydra (literal hydra dragon from mythology) that had come crawling out of the Hudson Bay last week, but still firmly in the realm of insanity.

"Um, okay, can you please tell Clint where whatever the thing you took from his is so he can stop pretending he's a fuzzy woodland creature?" requested Darcy as her eyes fell back on the squirrel.

The squirrel seemed to consider this for a moment before responding, "Alright, I will. But ONLY if he apologizes for being so rude!"

"Apologize?" sputtered Clint. "You're the one who stole from me!"

"You are the one who left a shiny object on a table beside an open window," stated the squirrel with an eye-roll. "It's instinct to take such things!"

"Um, not to be rude or anything but, dude, who are you?" asked Darcy suddenly, mind catching up to the fact that something was really _not right _with this whole situation. Beyond the initial shock of 'wtf talking squirrel'. "'Cause it's really not normal for a squirrel to talk."

"I'm no mere squirrel, mortal woman!" exclaimed the (apparently abnormal) squirrel with a squeak. "I am Ratatockr, the mystic squirrel of the world tree!"

Darcy nodded with a hum, mind clicking as she recalled Thor mentioned Ratatockr several times. She also recalled that the squirrel often caused trouble with Loki. "Right, Thor's mentioned you. But what are you doing out here, stealing shiny stuff from my boyfriend?"

Ratatockr shrugged his squirrelly shoulders. "I was bored."

She hummed for a moment, then shrugged. "Eh, good a reason as any."

Clint growled a little and twisted his hands so he could look at the squirrel. "Look, I don't care about your reasons. Could you just tell me where you hid it? Please?" The please was very clearly an after thought. And still somewhat hostile. But it was still technically a please and, as far as Darcy was concerned, probably the best Ratatockr was going to get out of Clint.

Ratatockr looked at Clint like he couldn't decide what to do. He was clearly still unhappy, but that was to be expected. Clint was probably squeezing him a little hard. None the less, Ratatockr shrugged and pointed to a small hole at the bottom of the tree. "I tucked your precious ring in there. Now, would you mind releasing me so I might return to chasing that rather attractive female I was attempting to woo before you so rudely interrupted us?"

Clint nodded distractedly, mind already turned towards the hole at the bottom of the tree. He tossed Ratatockr in Darcy's direction without thought as he moved towards the hole. She barely caught the small squirrel. "Hold onto him for a minute Darce, on the off-chance he's lying."

"Excuse me! I have done no such thing!" exclaimed Ratatockr with a glare, though he settled into Darcy's arms easily. She saw no reason to actually restrain the God-squirrel either, merely reached up to scratch him behind his ears as if he were a cat. There were no protests from the squirrel.

It took several minutes for Clint to make the hole large enough that he could reach his hand inside but once he could, it was out again a few seconds later, clutching something tight.

In Darcy's arms, Ratatockr sighed. "Can I go now?"

"Go ahead," assured Darcy as she knelt to set Ratatockr down. "And don't be too mad at Clint, he's got a few screws loose."

"So I noticed," scoffed Ratatockr before he took off back up the tree and towards the other squirrel who was just watching them from the branches above. Darcy thought she heard the god-squirrel say something along the lines of 'now where were we?' but ignored it in favor of checking on her boyfriend, who was currently examining something in his hands.

"Clint?" asked Darcy carefully, a little uncertain about her archer's mental state at the moment. Not that she wasn't usually at least slightly concerned about what was going on in his head, but that was mostly due to how many times he had _hit_ his head. "What's going on?"

Clint turned his head to look back at Darcy, tucking the object away in one of his pockets quickly. "Nothing. Nothing at all. Um, are you ready to go?"

Darcy raised her eyebrow in the 'you will tell me what the hell is going on right now' look she'd picked up from Natasha and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "We aren't going _anywhere_ until you tell me what that was all about."

Clint shifted uneasily. "I already told you, Darce. That squirrel-"

"Ratatockr," cut in Darcy.

"Right," corrected Clint, "Ratatockr stole something from me."

Darcy nodded. "I got that part. What I want to know is why what he stole is so important you just spent the last ten minutes of your life imitating a squirrel."

Clint shifted again, then slid whatever the object was from his pocket, offering her his outstretched hand. In his palm rested a simple silver band, inlaid with a diamond and two sapphires. "Because it's for you."

Darcy felt her breath catch in her throat. She hoped this was what she thought it was on some level. On another level, all she could think of was 'wow, even THIS can't be normal'. "Clint, why are you giving me a ring?"

"Because I want you to marry me," replied Clint before he dropped to one knee in front of her. "I was kinda going to ask tonight at dinner, but clearly that idea has gone to hell."

"Is this why Stark and Coulson have been acting shifty all week?" asked Darcy as her finger tips came to rest on those of Clint's open hand.

Clint nodded uneasily. "Yeah. I may have gotten the restaurant recommendation from Stark and Coulson might have helped me pick out the ring."

"Coulson?" repeated Darcy, skepticism in her voice. "Really?"

"The man knows jewelery," explained Clint with a shrug. "Besides, taking anyone else would have probably ended badly."

"Probably," agreed Darcy, her fingers wrapping around his own. "So, are you gonna ask me?"

"Marry me?" asked Clint immediately, eyes hopeful but shadowed by a touch of fear.

Darcy smiled softly as she dropped to kneel next to him. Sure, this wasn't a normal proposal. Hell, most people probably didn't get their engagement ring stolen by a god-squirrel. But it somehow summarized their relationship, world, and lives. And really, Darcy wouldn't have it any other way. "Yes."


End file.
